Webcrumz

For those of you who don’t have Facebook (or refuse to log in and add friends), I’ve copied the following for your enjoyment:

So this Saturday was Val’s birthday and the Maryland crew (even the MD crew from LA) packed our bags and headed to Akron, OH for the occasion. Junior was crazy enough to rent a limo for the day and we visited 6 vineyards and did wine tasting at each. Obviously, 11 hours of drinking is bound to have some highlights. Therefore, on the coat tails of the 25 Random Things notes that everyone is doing: 25 Random Quotes! For those that were there, you know who you are… for those that weren’t? Enjoy the vague references.

LH: So I hear you have a new girl.
JM: That maaay be correct.
KT: So did you bang it out? (Repeated about 57 times this weekend without a satisfying response)

MC: ZZZZZzzzzZZZZZzzzzz…
JM: That took 20 seconds!
JM: This bag of ear plugs I happened to have came in handy last night.

TS: Hospice
JM: Hoe Spice!
MC: She didn’t make it in the band…

LH: Where are they? Are they having another quickie?!
MC: Yeah… and they keep getting less quick too.
LH: Put your clothes on and get out here!!!

JM: I’ll pay since you are driving
MC: Sounds good to me
JM: Besides, the guy really should pay

MC: Junior! What are you doing drinking red crap?
JW: You guys won’t EVER let me live that down!
MC: Well we all know what happens when you drink colored sh*t…
(See Quote #17)

VB: What kind of wine do you like?
JW: Alcohol!!!

JW: No! There will be NO robots!

JW: I’m drinking for two!

MC: Josh, stick this sh*t in my box.
BT: :-O
MC: Yeah, I got it like that…
BT: Wooow.
JM: I’m glad we have separate beds tonight!

MC: Yo, that horse just slipped and fell! He was like, “Hello Wilbuuu WHOOP!”

AH: Josh, take care of Marvin’s box.
JM: I always do!

MC: Your gf is a pretty slutty drunk.
PC: Hell yeah she is.
KT: Oh my god! I am not!
MC: Well you ARE drunk..
KT: Well…

AH: Wifey!.. Blonde Wifey!
JM: As opposed to your brunette wifey?

KT: Did someone switch my beer for water?

KT: ZZZZZzzzzZZZZZzzzzz….

JW: Blaaaaaaargh! <Insert vomitting noises here.> (See Quote #6)

KT: All that sleep…. stiiiiill drunk.

KT: Oh my god you blew chunks? I so didn’t do that…

JW: Get out of my house!

JM: Marvin, where is the damn complimentary breakfast?
MC: In the second drawer
JM: <opens drawer>
MC: Oooooh that’s right. I ate it…

BW: And I put you… two… together.
MC: Whhhy not…
JM: It’s been the theme of the weekend. Why stop now?

AH: I don’t think we got chocolate at every place.
MC: Well I definitely grabbed your wife’s box for her a few times.

JW: Has anyone been keeping up with Maryland Basketball?
MC: Yeah, we were looking at it when the bedroom cleared into the living from someone puking…

JW: I was there at Union Jack’s for your birthday!
MC: Junior, that was your birthday.
JW: No it wasn’t!
AW: Yeah, dude, I was there for that.

In order of appearance:
LH - Luci
JM - Josh
KT - Kim
MC - Marvin
TS - Turknpike Sign
JW - Junior
VB - Vineyard Bartender
BT - Bar Tender
AH - Andrew
PC - Patrick
BW - Blonde Waitress
AW - Ade

OK, so I had to stretch to remember 25 but I am making up for it with fun facts.

Maximum number of passengers allowed in a Pittsburgh van cab: 4
Minimum number of U-Turns necessary by a limo in a day of drinking: 9
Minimum number of wines tasted on trip: 12
Minumum number of wines tasted by Junior: 24
Number of dances done standing in a limo: 3
Number of falls done while dancing in a limo: 2
Number of robots allowed: 0
Number of robots performed: 5
Number of “box” comments made throughout the day: 212
Number of times Josh was asked, “So did you bang it out?”: 57
Number of people Kim peed in front of: 2
Maximum number of drum songs that can be played on Hard before injury: 6
Number of pizzas required to satisfy 12 hungry drunks: 6
Maximum number of colored drinks Junior should drink in a day: 0
Number of people who passed out before 7PM: 3
Number of complimentary breakfasts provided: 0
Number of times Luci checks Facebook in a weekend: 1,354
Number of drunk videos Josh has in HD: I’m afraid to answer this

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Drinking, Ohio, Quotes

I did this since everyone “asked” me to in Facebook.  Since I spent so much time coming up with them, I might as well post some of my blood and sweat here.

1. I don’t do well on long drives by myself. I have this compulsion to either talk on the phone or make up new words to songs I don’t know.

2. I have an unhealthy obsession with symmetry. Must be that Asian ying yang in me…

3. I hate mangoes but love mango flavored things.

4. The first thing I notice in a girl is not her “curves”. It’s her neck. And I’m sorry ladies. I’m short. When I’m looking at tall girls or short girls with tall heels, the eyes aren’t going to come first. It’s going to be neck.

5. I taught aerobics for one semester in college. And I kinda miss it.

6. I owned an online radio show for 2 years and DJ’d on it.

7. Most common comment? “I love your voice but you need to enunciate more.”

8. Contrary to most Asians, I’m not a big fan of rice.

9. I’m not ashamed that I dance when I’m by myself.

10. I have an addiction for “gadgets”.

11. Huey Lewis and the News was my first concert. And it was Hip to Be Square.

12. I can’t put a messy sandwich down. What’s it’s up, there’s no stopping until it’s done. I’m not wasting time putting it down to wipe my hands and pick it right back up again.

13. When I was a child I had a stuffed monkey named Benny that I named after Benny Hill. If you don’t know what it is, Google that schnit. It’ll open your eyes to why I’m messed in the head…

14. I’ve never been beat at Killer Instinct

15. I’ve played Dine and Ditch in an Olive Garden because of crappy service and because she told me to. Teach me to date a Philly Girl…

16. I so think Val kicked my ass on this chain…

17. I was named after Marvin Gaye and am so glad my dad hasn’t come after me with a shotgun yet.

18. I totally get my punny humor, karaoke skills, temper, need for attention, lack of inhibitions… yeah pretty much I’m my father’s son except for the aptitude for magic tricks.

19. I suck with peer pressure. I mean why am I doing this damn chain letter-ish thing anyway? It’s not really because of the number of people that tagged me is it?

20. I always get a little fear of heights when walking up stairs at the mall where you can see through the steps to the floor below… but I’ve jumped out of a plane.

21. I am one of the few to escape New Jersey. “Others have tried and failed. The entire population, in fact.” (-Samuel L Jackson in Long Kiss Goodnight) but still visit about once a month.

22. I hate the person who came up with this note.

23. I wish I was a little bit taller …I wish I was a baller. I wish I had a girl who looked good. I would call her.

24. I’m kind of depressed that I stopped watching 24 in season 2 but am too lazy to go back to it.

25. I don’t think anyone new will do this after I tag them. Those that I have to tag back have already done it. Others are probably better at peer pressure than me. See point 19.

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You know you loved it the first time… and now?  Part 2!!

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So I haven’t posted in a while (What else is new?) but I really don’t have anything of importance to talk about. So let’s just shoot from the cuff shall we?

So what’s with TV and TV replacement media? There seems to be a trend developing with all this crap. Let’s take the first one I came across. I think it’s hilarious but yeah… It’s especially funny for me coming from New Jersey.

Then there’s this lovely new show on VH1.

Aaaaand finally network TV is in on it.

So what the hell is this obsession with Tools?  It’s got me all self-conscious and made me do some self reflection.  Am I a Tool but oblivious like these people?  Let’s weigh the arguments…

Arguments For:
1 - I’m from New Jersey.
2 - I do selfless things only when girls are involved.  (Apparently…)
3 - I like me some shots, especially of Jaeger.
4 - Muscle Milk is damn good to me.
5- It’s all about the “cookie”.  What!  The cookie.  What!  The cookie.

Arguments Against:
1 - I don’t have hair.  Therefore, no new hair cut.
2 - I grunt at the gym only because I can’t lift the weight.
3 - I have never cheated on a girl friend.
4 - I don’t have a crazy party alter ego named Celebrity (but is it for if I want one?)
5 - Steroids are for suckers…
6 - I don’t pop my collar.
7 - My friends don’t have the same hair cut as me… OK maybe Andy but that’s it!

Phew!  Passed by the skin of my… hair.  I am not a Tool!  Now get me that Jaeger!

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DBags, Jersey, Self reflection, tools

So I’ve never lived by myself and it’s been about 6 or 7 months since I moved out on my own so I figured I’d post about the change.  Although there were never problems living with Patrick (for 9 years), there are some upsides to living on your own.  Aaaaand since I’ve spent the past 4 days watching Letterman with dad… Top 10 Reasons Why Living Alone Rocks!

10.  Other people’s “real” food doesn’t get in the way of your freezer full of frozen dinners and fridge full of water, beer, and Gatorade.

9.  Using your washer as a hamper and dryer as a dresser is no longer rude.  It’s more efficient and minimalistic.

8.  If you want to replace coffee with a 90’s dance club in the morning while getting ready for the day, you’re not waking anyone up.

7.  You don’t wake up to girlfriends whining, laughing, or making “other” noises.  (Aww c’mon!  I had to add it!)

6.  You aren’t woken up at the ass crack of dawn by a Terp fanatic bustin’ down your door to tail gate.

5.  No weird looks when you open the bathroom door after a round of Shower Karaoke.

4.  You can watch whatever you want, even if it’s So You Think You Can Dance… for the 9th time.

3.  If you want to rock out to Rock Band in your boxers… then rock out with your **** out.

2.  An acceptable way to clean hardwood floors is re-enactments of Risky Business.

1.  You only need to hide your porn stash when visitors come over.

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Living Alone, Top 10

So being one of the people in the group that doesn’t blog very often, I find myself on long drives pondering what I could possibly blog about.  You know what?  The long drives are not the time to be pondering that…

I’ve posted about this before but I really REALLY hate driving in this area.  Some examples of frustration are the following:

Two hour commute home on a Thursday.  No accident, no weekend shore traffic, just rain.  I understand everyone can’t afford a car with great traction, traction control, or even tires over 15 inches but..

Lesson 1: If your car can’t handle driving the speed limit in the rain, move the **** over so other cars can get where they’re going!

Morning commute.  Cars in the 2 left most lanes of 4 laned Rt 66 going the speed limit and pacing each other.  Right car slows down, 2 cars pass the left car in the right lane.  I follow suit and guess what?  The mother ****er had the nerve to give me the finger!  I did the only mature thing you can do in that situation… intentionally cut the ****er off.

Lesson 2: If people are passing on the right, you should be polite.  Move over!

Lesson 3: If you aren’t passing anyone, you should not be in the fast lane!  Stay right, pass left, Mother F***er!

Going home from work there is a 3 mile backup.  One would assume it’s some crazy traffic where the Toll Road and 495 meet.  No, there is an accident on the other side of the toll road.  Stop slowing down!  If you really care, turn on the traffic channel!

Lesson 4: If it’s not in your lane, your speed stays the same!

On top of all this frustration I realized it costs me ten bucks a day to comute to work.  That’s more than I spend on lunch or dinner on most days.  You want to cut down pollution?  …reduce this oil demand?  How about you let me keep that ten dollars a day and get me some Video/Teleconference in my home.  There should be some government supported plan so we can all be Literally Awesome at work.  Where is Al Gore when you need him?  He could surely fund this with all his earnings from his invention of the internet!

OK, so there you have it.  For all you people that notice that I don’t advertise semi-annual updates… hopefully next time my post will be a bit… happier?

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Angry, Driving, Work

So someone asked me why people from the Philippines are called Filipinos and not Philipinos.  I figured, I should probably know the answer to that so I did research. (Like anyone else would do at midnight on a Thursday…) I found the following best answer from my searching.  Just in case you don’t know, Tagalog is one of 3 major dialects spoken in the Philippines and is most widely used.

…it’s Spanish that’s to blame. When the Philippines was a Spanish colony, they called it the ‘Islas Filipinas’. The Americans changed it to the English Philippine Islands or Philippines, but the Spanish term for one of the people from there stuck. Tagalog doesn’t have an f except in borrowed words (similarly with j in Welsh), so the name became Pilipinas when the independent nation really got going and adopted the formerly regional Tagalog as a national language. However, there are plans (and have been since 1973) to create a new national language based on most of the major languages spoken there. This sort of thing doesn’t normally work, so the name chosen for the new language will probably get transferred to Tagalog. Guess what it is? Filipino.

So there you have it.  A pondered, answered, and somewhat interesting note about myself other than “I’m Asian… I mean Pacific Islander… I mean Asian… Spanish?… Whatever stop talking about my people!”

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culture

So I started playing soccer a couple weeks ago.  Boy did my legs kill the day after my first game.  My calves were tighter than Fat Albert wearing a size XXS.  I wrote an email to Josh complaining on Monday.  He said the second day is supposed to be worse.  I emailed him on Tuesday, “Yooou’re right!”  I really didn’t think I was going to recover by the second game but luckily I was up and running no holds barred save some residual slug from the bachelor party.

So highlights of my first two games of soccer (dare I say ever?)… Renee gets a fast break wide open down the field. I’m inbounding the ball with her in my sights.  What happens you ask?  I get so excited that I hurl the ball like a football.  I guess I forgot what sport I was playing… Last night I was taking the ball down the field I trip up and I end up on the ground trying to get the ball from under me.  Apparently you can’t kick the ball when you’re on the ground.  And apparently break dance moves are illegal too.  I kick ass at this game. Really I do..

It’s all good though.  I got myself some soccer shoes tonight along with a nifty green shirt to wear.  If I don’t play the part, I’ll at least look it.

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Follies, Soccer

So I’ve spent the passed week and a half living out of a bag and after this day or two of a closet and dresser, it’s right back to my luggage.

My friend Allison is moving to Wisconsin and with all my travel, last weekend was going to be the last time I could see her so I went up to Jersey for one last night of drinking.  Fun was had, beer was spilled, pictures were taken.

I also spent time with Matt and his family at the beach house they were staying at for the weekend.  I won some good money at craps in Atlantic city (all my rolls I might add).  Matt, me, his brother Mark, and Mark’s girlfriend Ann all shared a room with bunk beds when we got back.  Yeah you try to sleep around Matt and me when we get our delrious second wind at 6 in the morning…  A side note, I’ve heard I missed one kick ass time at Amanda’s birthday that night.  Happy Birthday, Amanda!

Sunday was the beach, tanning, body searching, people watching, and drinking… What could be better?  Oh yeah, not having to drive home and pack afterwards…

A couple pics from the weekend -> Gallery

So I spent a week in Rhode Island.  It was awesome seeing old friends.  It’s like coming back from summer break.  Most the regulars were still there,  and my favorite staff was still there along with one or two new faces.  We watched horror movies all week while drinking, stayed up late playing the guitar in the bar one night, and even sang karaoke at the BBQ.  No one was singing so they took up a collection to get me to lead off the party with John Mayer - Body is a Wonderland.  Yeah…  Well I did it as well as some other great hits that made the dogs howl and even made cats fall off fences not landing on their feet.  At least it wasn’t Dead or Alive…

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Beach, Jersey, Rhode Island, Travel